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Site created 12/15/97.
page added: 10/31/01
Boo! Happy Halloween!
I went on a small vacation from the world last week, and tried to keep my mind off of things, so I'm coming back with not much to say. Instead, I watched a bunch of horror films, thrillers and gory sci-fi epics. I'll let these reviews speak for me this week. Until next week, please be safe out there when you're tick-or-treating. Besides the razor bladed apples, hidden strangers and FBI threats on our safety, watch for cars not looking for you and people handing out raisins instead of Milk Duds. Bastards. |
My mama always said, "If you don't have anything to say, it's better not to say anything at all." I think that's advice my mother should have given the makers of this flick. Uhg. What a steaming pile of shit. There's absolutely nothing of merit at all in this thing. I think it's safe to say that Russo and Hinzman have mined Romero's Living Dead films for all they're worth by now, and it's time they get away from the series for the good of all of us. They could have stopped with their rape of Night of the Living Dead, but no - they had to give us this. Children adds to the Dead mythos by purporting that the events in the first film were confined to Pittsburgh. It seems that 15 years ago, another outbreak occurred (Return of the Living Dead?). During that outbreak, a new villain was created, a serial rapist and necrophiliac named Abbott Hayes who was murdered while in prison. While in undead form, he collected a bunch of children, but they were freed by Tom Savini's "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Redneck" character. Today, the kids are grown up and Abbott is still roaming the Earth (apparently rotting at a very slow pace). Now Abbott has two problems: he wants the kids back under his control and a shiny new car lot is being built on his mother's graveyard. People must pay - and dearly. The flick is dumb and shot terribly. Most of the dialogue is looped so unprofessionally that it's insulting. It gets so bad that people only talk when they have their backs to the camera. Plus, there are a few scenes where you can see people talking, but there's no dialogue. Never mind the silly plot, the bad acting and the lapses of common sense (a graveyard owner, upon seeing a series of caskets left overnight being ripped open and found empty exclaims: "Oh no, not again!"). How many times does that have to happen before you make sure your employees bury the frickin' dead? Avoid this film people - send a message to Mr.'s Hinzman and Russo that we will not stand for this literal crap. But... if you absolutely must see it, here's a disc quality review: the anamorphic widescreen image looks fine. The image is clean with solid colors and good deep blacks. Sound is either a solid Dolby Digital 5.1 or 2.0 mix that serve the film fine. As I said, the dialogue's all looped, so you'll find that it's coming right from the front center channel. Effects are minimal, with the surrounds not used too much. The extras include a video promo trailer, a collection of Artisan horror title trailers and a stills gallery. See - it's nothing to write to your own mama about, so leave this one in the store. |
Children of the Living Dead  |
Arnie's been having a tough time lately, so it's nice to see a flick of his from back when he was still king of Hollywood. Here, he plays an average Joe who finds out that he's really an international (or would that be interplanetary?) spy from Mars. He's a mole and everything he knows is a lie implanted into his memory. When he goes to Mars to find what the heck is going on, a gallery of villains (including Michael Ironside and Sharon Stone) chase him down and try to kill him. There's lots of fun blood-letting, cool special effects and exploding people from the king of high-class splatter, director Paul Verhoeven. Recall is a neat enough flick. It's certainly not the best it could be, but it's a good Arnie flick if you fall for such things. This new special edition from Artisan is quite cool, but it also sucks at the same time. The video presentation is good, but not great. It's soft in spots, with some bad grain and lackluster blacks. It's very watchable and it's probably better looking than I'm letting on, but a studio like Fox or Universal could have really bucked this video out and made it deliciously sweet. The sound is good however, with both Dolby Digital 5.1 and 2.0 tracks. The 5.1 is very even and quite lively. The bass could have been better, but the music sounds nice and there is some atmosphere in the surrounds. As for the extras, if you're a fan of the film, you'll probably enjoy most of it. But if you're a fan of filmmaking, the producer of this disc fell on his face because this thing could have been packed with info. Recall's was an epic journey from idea to screen, and that's only hinted at in this special edition. The commentary track tries to fill us in and turns out to be a good one. Verhoeven and Arnie chat like old friends. They discuss the locations, their co-stars and the shoot. The documentary is also pretty good, but only slightly addresses the history of the film in a very cursory fashion. On the other hand, when it comes to the actual production of this film, there is a wealth of info on this DVD. (I know I sound like a little bitch, but if you knew half of the history of this film, you'd want a full-blown look behind the making of the film as well). There's also a neat NASA-styled look at the realities of Mars colonization. Throw in some conceptual art, storyboards, a loop of trailers and TV spots, production notes and cast and crew info and you have a very neat, if not thorough, look at Total Recall. But as good as most of it is, I feel that it could have been better. My biggest complaint however is the tin "Mars" case packaging. It sucks. How do you shelve it? It's round! Oh, well. I'm a bitch, I know. |
Total Recall: Special Edition |
Beautiful women are nothing but trouble, man. If they're not cheating on you, then you're imagining they are. But no matter how much trouble beautiful women are, there's nothing more dangerous than a beautiful woman with an ice pick to grind. Michael Douglas finds that out very poetically here in this sex-o-matic classic. It chops, it purees and Sharon Stone ruts like a wild wildebeest in heat. The story goes like this: a mover and shaker is killed while having sex. He was last seen with Stone, so the cops pick her up and find out that she's a steamy pulp novelist whose most recent work was about the same exact murder. So she's either very guilty and evil or she's being set up. Right? Well, that's what Douglas has to find out. But he's hampered by his reputation for womanizing, hard-living and physical abuse. Throw Stone and Douglas together and we have one damn fine sex thriller with a twist ending that only kinda sorta makes sense. If you like your movies with hard edges and hard-to-like anti-heroes and anti-heroines, this should be your cup-a-tea. This director's cut gives us more blood and nipples (and don't forget the DVD's ability to freeze frame the famous interrogation scene), which doesn't exactly help move the film along any better, but isn't too shabby either. Basic Instinct is presented anamorphic widescreen and it looks fine, but suffers from too much artifacting and a soft picture. That's not very forgivable since so many older films come out from other studios looking flawless. But you can watch it, and it's not going to kill your eyes. The sound is presented in both a suped-up Dolby Digital 5.1 (with great musical representation) and a standard (but still good) 2.0 track. Where this disc kicks it up a notch is the extras. We get two commentaries. One is a look behind the scenes with Verhoeven and his former cinematographer Jan de Bont. They talk a great bit about the shoot and the actors, which is very cool. The other track is with Camille Paglia, noted feminist critic and a real hoot. She breaks down the film from its angles to its story, both defending it and holding it to task, which is very nice and scholarly. Both tracks are well worth your time. For those who didn't get enough behind-the-scenes info, there's a nice documentary about just that. The most interesting extra on board is a slightly annoying comparison between the theatrical cut and television cut of the film, with swear words badly looped by "actors" who have no business being behind a mic. After that it's stills, storyboards, bios, notes, trailers and two casting video sessions hidden in "ice pick" Easter eggs scattered throughout the menus. There's plenty of stuff packed into this disc, which comes in a clear plastic clam box with an ice pick pen inside. Neat and not to shabby. |
Basic Instinct: Unrated Director's Cut - Special Edition |
These two are out of order on the packaging, but that's okay as long as you're sure to watch Son first and Ghost second. These are the next two films in the classic Frankenstein series. Son of Frankenstein follows the misadventures of Wolf von Frankenstein (Sherlock Holmes' Basil Rathbone), Dr. Hank's ill-fated son. Inheriting his father's castle, he sets out to fix his family's name for the better. Hooking up with Dad's former assistant, Ygor (Bela Lugosi), he learns that the monster (furry vested Boris Karloff in his last appearance as the Monster) is still alive. Convinced that he can retool the monster for the better, he learns the folly of men who play God and suffers at the hands of his creation. There's no doubt the original and Bride are better films, but Son is still an interesting progression for the film series. It's fun, exciting and is a worthy follow-up - even if it isn't the closing chapter. Ghost of Frankenstein is a little more far fetched and lame, but it's also still neat for a classic Frankenstein film. Picking up exactly right where Son leaves off, Ghost once again focuses on one of Frankenstein's sons. This time it's Ludwig (played by Sir Cedric Hardwicke). He's also a doctor, but a doctor of the mind... which comes in handy when Ygor blackmails Ludwig into working up a plan to rebrain the Monster (Lon Chaney Jr.) to keep his violent impulses in check. Of course, that can't possibly go well... can it? Both of these films are presented in their original full frame aspect, with mono sound. The quality serves the films fine and I don't have any complaints. The source prints for these films are slightly damaged, but not to the point of being unwatchable. So you basically have to accept it - these films ARE around 60 years old. The extras here aren't as vast and well done as the previous single-film DVD editions of the other Universal Classic Monster films. We get the trailer for Ghost, production notes for each film and some cast and crew info. That's it... well except for the fact that there are two films on one disc. That counts for something in my book. |
The Ghost of Frankenstein/Son of Frankenstein |
This double feature disc focuses not really on Frankenstein, but rather on the Frankenstein crossovers with other Universal Monsters. The first one is Frankenstein Meets the Wolf Man, which not too surprisingly features the classic meeting of Frankenstein and The Wolf Man. The star is Lon Chaney Jr. as Larry Talbot. Supposedly killed at the end of The Wolf Man, this film picks up at Talbot's tomb, where he's dug up by a couple of gravediggers. He's alive and well, and on the hunt for a cure for his lycanthropic ways. Figuring that Dr. Frankenstein's work might open the door he seeks, he goes a-hunting and bumps into the Monster. They have an epic fight and both are supposedly killed yet again. That lasts until House of Frankenstein opens. In this one, a mad scientist played by Karloff, stumbles upon Dracula (John Carradine) and sets him free for a short cameo. The rest is a who's-who, as Karloff plans to continue the Frankenstein experiments as a means of getting revenge for a series of wrongs dealt him in the past. Meanwhile, Karloff's pet hunchback longs to be sexy to a young and hot gypsy... who longs for the ever-brooding Larry Talbot... who's still looking for a cure. The hunchback gets jealous and Frankenstein gets revived to wreak havoc. If this sounds like Abbott and Costello Meets Frankenstein, yeah... it sounds pretty much like it to me as well. Except this one isn't done for laughs. Still, it's a neat flick that you're sure to enjoy. Video and sound is full frame and mono and both are about as good as can be expected for films close to 60 years old. Some source issues litter the film, but the transfers are clean. Extras include the standard trailers for both films, with production notes and cast and crew info. It's light, but you can't go wrong with classic monster films. |
Frankenstein Meets the Wolf Man/House of Frankenstein |
Here are two Universal films about the spawns of Dracula, the dark lord himself. The first is Dracula's Daughter, an utter classic of homosexual empowerment. Von Helsing has just killed Dracula, but because no one believes Dracula was an undead creature, he's picked up for murder. For his defense, Von Helsing calls in a friend, a former pupil, Jeffrey Garth. Garth doesn't really believe Von Helsing, but decides to help anyway, because there wouldn't be a story if he didn't. Dracula's daughter, Marya (the beautiful Gloria Holden), shows up intent on destroying her father's body to free her own soul... only she finds that there's no escape from her curse and continues fulfilling her inherent bloodlust by seducing men and women alike. Cue scores of essays on the lesbian undercurrent in the film. The second film, Son of Dracula, probably shouldn't have been made, but it's here, so let's discuss. Lon Chaney, Jr. plays Count Alucard (who wrote this, Ed Wood?). He's just been invited to the Southern plantation home of the Caldwell family. The plantation is called Black Oak, and Alucard wants it all to himself. So he starts to put his plan into motion. First he kills the father, then seduces the daughter, and soon he twists the lives and very souls of their friends and family. But the real twist is, maybe Alucard is the one being used. Is he part of a plan by the daughter to gain everlasting life? Of the two films, Daughter is the better by a long shot. Culturally, historically and story-wise, it's just a better film. Son is interesting, but is pretty much a waste effort. Chaney is a bad Dracula, plain and simple. But what are you gonna do? As is the case with all the discs in this series, the full frame video and mono sound quality are fine, but time hasn't been all too kind to the elements. Universal did the best they could with what they had, and my thanks go out to them. Extras are light, with trailers, production notes and cast and crew info on each film. |
Dracula's Daughter/Son of Dracula |
Werewolf of London stars Henry Hull as Dr. Wilfred Glendon, a famous British botanist. He spends most of his time in his greenhouse and away from his wife. On an expedition to Tibet, he discovers a rare planet that blooms only during a full moon. But before he can even touch the plant, he's attacked by a large beast that turns out to be a werewolf. Now he's even more dedicated to his science, and his wife is spending more and more time with an old flame. When an odd cookie named Dr. Yogami shows up at his door with a bit too much information about his condition, Glendon also gets a bit of forwarning: the werewolf inside him seeks to destroy that which he loves the most. So Glendon's in a battle against the clock (and himself) to find a cure... and that little plant he found might just hold the key. She-Wolf of London isn't really a werewolf film, so its inclusion in this set (and series of films) is a bit of a head scratcher. But here it is, so... June Lockhart (Mom in Lost in Space and Lassie) stars as the last member of a long line of a cursed family called the Allenbys. She's afraid that she might be a murderess, who is also suspected to be a female werewolf or she-wolf. When she wakes up covered in mud and blood, and believing her family is cursed, she starts to believe the hype. But her fiancé doesn't think this is possible and tries to uncover the truth... which may point to a mysterious aunt and her cousin. It seems like each one of these discs, up to this point, have one good flick and one okay flick. Here we have Werewolf of London, which is actually pretty cool in my book. It's not quite The Wolf Man, but it's still a badass flick. I really like the werewolf in this film. He's stylized and not very wolf-like, but still a really great design. Plus, the story has nice momentum and great art design. She-Wolf is a murder mystery and is fine for that, but it's a failure as a monster film. The films on DVD are full frame and mono and both are great representations. The age shows through in the elements, but that's expected. Extras are a trailer for Werewolf, production notes and cast and crew info for both films. Not bad for two classics. |
Werewolf of London/She-Wolf of London |
Last, but not least, we have two DVDs that present four films dedicated to our friend The Mummy. Now... this isn't the new Mummy the kids are all taking a hankering to, no siree. This is the old classic Mummy. But even back then, he was a top earner for Universal. These four films are almost a series unto themselves, cut away from the original classic. Out is Mr. Karloff and in is Lon Chaney, Jr. (except for Hand, where the crusty one is played by Tom Tyler). The first two films focus on American adventurer and archaeologist Steve Banning. Banning travels to Egypt with his loyal comic relief Babe, looking for the long lost tomb of Princess Ananka. The adventures begin with The Mummy's Hand, where we set-up the story and do battle with the Mummy and his evil puppetmaster, The High Priest. The Mummy's Tomb continues the story 30 years later, this time on American soil, when the Mummy is brought to Massachusetts by Mehemet, a high priest irked that Banning and friends defiled the tomb of Ananka. Once there, Banning and his men are quickly offed, and Mehemet eyes Banning's son and particularly his fiancée, who he wants to join him as first priestess. More shuffle-footed terror ensues and yet another fiery end for the Mummy is promised. The second disc skips the Banning family, by jumping another 30 years into the future. The fun-loving folks of Mapleton, Mass are keeping the body of Princess Ananka in their museum, which is a good move for the story, but is none too swift for them. A new high priest (well, a high priest trainee) comes a-calling and rejuvenates poor Kharis the Mummy, planning to bring the body back to Egypt where it belongs. Problem is, her soul relocated into the body of a young girl... which means, he has to get her too. Second problem is, her boyfriend doesn't take kindly to manhandling priests. The fourth and final film in this series takes us 25 more years into the future (if The Mummy's Hand takes place in its year of release, 1940, then 30 and 30 and 25 years would bring us into 2025. Where are all the flying cars I ask? Where?) Here, a young priest comes to America to get the body of Ananka, but falls in love with a local college girl. He plans to give eternal life so that they can love for all time. Naturally, the Mummy is brought to life, kills a few people... yadda, yadda, yadda... the end. The story was falling apart by this point, but what do you expect when the last two flicks were filmed back-to-back for maximum bankability? All four discs present the films in - you guessed it - full frame video with mono sound. They look great for their respective ages and you can't fault Universal for the work they did. The extras amount to trailers for Hand and Ghost, and production notes and cast info for every film on these two discs. They're a nice way to wrap the Mummy up. Ha, ha. Ha. |
The Mummy's Hand/The Mummy's Tomb The Mummy's Ghost/The Mummy's Curse |
Well... that's it for the horror. Next week, we're back to opinions and reviews of current releases. So Happy Halloween to all who find it fun. And a good day to you anti-pagan readers out there too. Keep spinning those discs! Todd Doogan todddoogan@thedigitalbits.com |
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